My cousin sent me this Hawaiian-ized version of The Night Before Christmas, and man, I felt like I was back at home!
> Was da night bafo’ Christmas, and all ova’ da place,
> Not even da geckos was
> showin’ their face.
>
> Da stockings was hangin’ on top da TV
> (‘Cause no
> mo’ fireplace in Hawai’i)
>
> Da kids stay all crashed, my old man
> too.
> They leave all da work for you-know-who.
>
> So me, I stay pickin’ up
> alla their toys,
> When – boom! – outside get only big noise!
>
> I run to
> da window, I open ‘em up,
> I stick out my head and I yell, “Eh!
> Whassup?!”
>
> And then, I no can ba-lieve what I seen!
> Was so unreal, you
> know what I mean?
>
> This fat haole guy get his reindeers in my yard!
> And
> reindeers not housebroken, you know, as’ why hard!
>
> But nemmind, this
> Christmas, so I cut ‘em some slack.
> Plus, had uku pile presents pokin’ outta
> his sack!
>
> So I wait ’till he pau tie up his reindeer,
> Then I yell out
> da window, “Huui! Brah, ova hea!”
>
> An’ I tell ‘em first thing, when I open
> da door,
> “Eh, Hemo your shoes! You going dirty my floor!”
>
> He take off
> his boots, he tell, “You know who I am?”
> I go, “Ho! From the smell, must be
> Mr. Toe Jam!”
>
> He make mempachi eyes and he go, “Ho, ho, ho!”
> By now, I
> stay thinking this guy kinda slow!
>
> He look like my Tutu, but little less
> weight,
> And his beard stay so white, mo’ white than shark bait!
>
> He
> stay all in red, specially his nose,
> And get reindeer spit on top his nice
> clothes!
>
> But him, he no care; he just smile at me,
> And he start fo’
> put presents unda-neath da tree.
>
> I tell ‘em, “Eh, brah, no need make
> li’dat,
> And watch where you step! You going ma-ke da cat!”
>
> Then, out
> from his bag, he pull one brand new computah,
> Choke video games, and one
> motorized scootah!
>
> He try for fill up da Christmas socks too,
> But had
> so much pukas, all da stuff went fall troo.
>
> When he pau, I tell ‘em, “Eh
> Santa, try wait!
> I get plenty leftovahs, I go make you one plate!”
>
> But
> he nevah like hang, he had so much fo’ do;
> Gotta make all them small kids’
> wishes come true.
>
> So I wave ‘em goodbye, and I flash ‘em da shaka,
> And
> I tell ‘em, “Mele Kalikimaka!”
>
> When he hear that, he stop…and I telling
> you true,
> He go, “Garans ball-barans! Merry Christmas to
> you!”